[Scene: A wedding hall. A man with a long brown trench coat and deerstalker hat stands in the middle of the room.]
In catching any perpetrator two questions must be answered: motive and means. We turn first to motive.
The principal suspect is a man of means: this is known. It is universally acknowledged, some say, that a single man of sufficient resources must be in want of a wife. Perhaps a choice application of criminal psychology can explain this want in detail, but I leave that to the eggheads.
So, let’s reason our way along. My brother is a single man – he was born this way, unavoidably – and recently acquired a large fortune in entirely unexceptional circumstances. He worked hard for a long time. He, therefore, must have wanted a wife.
Now, to flesh out the psychology of the thing. Though as I said, I leave the technical details to the experts. Why would these two approach one another with the intent to commit such an act?
I have long experience of Charlotte as a woman of excess charm. Graceful, committed, and beautiful, with brains to match. It is no wonder she attracted the attention of the accused. Indeed, at the time of our first meeting she expressed she wouldn’t mind getting to know my brother better. She said this was a hypothetical position at the time, but the statement was made on record and can hardly fail to form a crucial point of evidence. This meeting was some years ago; as they learned more about each other I can only imagine their feelings intensified such that the commission of this act became inevitable.
Second – we consider the means. Christian is possessed of exceptional charm. This, too, I can personally attest. It would not have been difficult for him, once he sighted an acceptable target, to employ the necessary wiles such that Charlotte felt marriage was the only possibility. I’m sure everyone here agrees on this point.
After inspecting motive and means, we turn to evidence…how was the thing done, ladies and gentlemen?
[at this the detective draws a plastic zip-locked bag, sealed, from his pocket]
I hold in my hand – a pair of gold rings!
[crowd gasps]
The weapons used to commit the deed – one of which Christian took from his pocket on the French Riviera and presented to Charlotte, and which she placed on her own finger in acceptance! Watch as I demonstrate – you see, each of the rings fits their hands perfectly. This cannot be a coincidence, and there cannot be any alternative. The crime’s method is clear, unfailingly clear.
But there is yet more. Consider years of heartfelt cards sent between them, the litany of gifts exchanged, the holidays together. Indeed, they could hardly have left more evidence of their deed.
[detective points dramatically at the head of the table]
That’s why – Christian Hamilton! You are the killer!
[detective coughs; audience laugh; detective blushes]
I mean – the groom!
Thanks, all.
[Detective takes his last bow.]
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